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Book Review: Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 1, edited by K. Trap Jones

Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 1, by various authors, edited by K. Trap Jones

Blood Bound Publishing, 2020

ISBN: 9781940250434

Available: Paperback, Kindle edition  ( Amazon.com )

 

The main thing Welcome to the Splatter Club has in common with its sequel (Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 2, previously reviewed here) is the high level of originality.  The thirteen stories are quite loopy, and are all over the place for plotlines.  However, it is an uneven collection: as good as the ideas are, a number of the stories don’t have enough bang and pop to keep the reader interested and the pages flipping at a quick speed.  The first half of the book is clearly the better half. The best stories include:

 

“23 to 46”: the most original, the most entertaining, and also the funniest.  The sperm housed in Matt’s balls suddenly start talking to him, and make his life impossible for the rest of the story.  They are mad he isn’t reproducing, and Matt has no interest in kids.  This is a hilarious romp that gives new meaning to the term ‘body politics.’

 

“The Woman in the Ditch”: A rural area legend, the blond woman only appears swimming in the ditch alongside country roads when there is enough rain, and of course it only happens in certain years.  What does she want?  Go to her and find out…but it may not be what you desire.  This could almost be a dark version of a Disney fairy tale.  

 

“Code Black”: Tired of juveniles committing heinous crimes and getting away with them due to an overly liberal justice system?  So are the people of Trapper Valley, especially when a kid unleashes a monster from the Abyss.  However, this town has Code Black…which will do what the justice system won’t.  

 

“Dickey Dykstra”: Ever wanted to beat the tar out of your boss, just because he’s a total jackass?  So does a certain employee, but his boss, the aforementioned Dickey, has problems WAY bigger than being a dick at work.  Let’s just say they involve hobbyhorses, and prepare yourself for the unexpected.  When Dickey’s secret comes to light, he makes Leatherface seem like a normal, well-adjusted human being.

 

“The Big Bad Boy”: We all know that Twinkies, Snowballs, and Ho-Hos are never going to be found in the FDA’s food pyramid for a balanced diet, but what happens when they really will kill you?  One poor convenience store clerk is going to find out.

 

There are a few other good ones, but there’s also a chunk of stories that just don’t quite do it.  When it’s good, it’s quite good, but the lackluster ones are frustrating.  If you’re on the fence about buying this, just go for Vol. 2 in the series instead, which is a “can’t miss” collection of stories.

 

Reviewed by Murray Samuelson

 

 

 

Posted on March 21, 2023 by , Reply

Book Review: Petite Mort by S.C. Mendes and Nikki Noir

 

Petite Mort by S.C. Mendes and Nikki Noir

 

Blood Bound Books, Oct. 2022 (Halloween release date)

 

ASIN: BOBB87TLWY

 

Available: Kindle edition ( Amazon.com )

 

Petite Mort is a short story collection that reads like a crossbreed of the Hostel movies and a Jenna Jameson film fest, but with more originality and better storytelling.  This will appeal to readers who like healthy doses of gore and raunchiness.  If you can handle that, the stories are worth a read.

 

There are eight stories, six short and two longer ones. A few have been previously published in other collections.  The main selling point: none of the stories have the tired and overused “male psycho kidnaps, rapes, and tortures helpless woman” plot.  There are elements of the supernatural to the majority of the stories, and some of them are WAY off the path of normalcy.  “Santa’s Package”, the longest (and maybe best) story, has a young woman pregnant by either a) Santa Claus, b) alien abduction, or c) she’s just totally nuts.  ‘”Into the Pit” has a demon residing in one of those plastic ball pits kids play in at places like Chuck E. Cheese eateries.  “Cucumbers and Comforters” has a kappa, a somewhat reptilian water deity from Japanese folklore.  Kudos to author Nikki Noir for working the kappa into a story. It’s fun when authors use lesser-known deities from mythologies other than the familiar Greeks as a story backbone.  

 

The rest of the stories are a touch more “normal”, that being a relative term here, but they all are page turners and pack good doses of creativity, along with heavy doses of splat and lewdness.  Certain tumescent organs being chopped off, horror movie themed sex toys, people being literally torn apart through every possible orifice, it’s all here… for a certain reader type.  

 

Two other things worthy of special mention: the story “HorrorGasm”, which does a slick job of creating a wild revenge tale, while managing to poke fun at the dorks who sit around watching online porn all day.  For hilarity, “Santa’s Package” wins, running away with the writing of Santa’s bedroom scene. He’s quite the ‘jolly old elf’!  The author’s turning of Christmas clichés into witty double entendres is side-splittingly funny: you’ll laugh hard enough to turn your own belly into a bowl full of jelly.  

 

Bottom line: this one is good entertainment for certain readers, just don’t take any of it too seriously.  It’s all meant to be fun, over-the-top craziness, and it succeeds well on that score.  However, this is for adults only: don’t let your junior high students near this one.  Recommended for lovers of splat and sleaze.

 

Reviewed by Murray Samuelson

Posted on October 18, 2022 by , Reply

Book Review: Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 2 edited by K. Trap Jones

Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 2, by various authors, edited by K. Trap Jones

 

Blood Bound Publishing, 2021

 

ISBN: 9781718170278

 

Available: Paperback, Kindle edition ( Bookshop.org |  Amazon.com)

 

If you are tired of the “same old, same old” with horror stories and are craving something original,  Welcome to the Splatter Club vol.2 is your passport to madness and mayhem of the highest order.  Want a good dose of blood and pain, such as someone getting their balls smashed with a hammer?  You got it.  How about really weird erotica, straight out of freaky-deaky sex land?  It’s in here.  Best of all, if you want truly original stories that are so off the wall they make mind-bending substances seem like a good idea, then you need this book.  It’s the best, wildest collection I’ve come across in a couple of years.  Kudos to editor K. Trap Jones: he clearly knows how to pick ’em.

 

The overall story quality is exceptionally strong: there’s only one dud out of thirteen stories.  The rest graded an average of B+/A-, with one C+ and five solid A’s.  About the only unifying themes are taking an ordinary situation and making it beyond strange, and there are a few revenge stories of sorts.  

 

In “War of the Wildflowers”,  two apartment neighbors are squabbling.  Sounds standard, but one of them has a fishbowl for a head, and the two fish inside provide eyesight for the human. The story has real sadness built into it, and is the closest you get to a tearjerker in the book.  

In “The Sack Cutter”,  a young lady has the guy who used her and tossed her aside captive in a deserted cabin.  Contrary to the story title, this is NOT the usual “physical torture for revenge” plot.  The lady has a much more clever and less physically painful idea in mind to make him pay.  The story also does a nice job blurring the lines between vengeance and a desire to help improve people.

 

Take the opening scene from the movie Natural Born Killers, and substitute in crazed vegetarians who want to make a statement and get their 15 minutes of fame, and you have the basic story of “Hell Comes to Burger Hut”,  a cautionary tale about how far people will stoop to become social media darlings.

 

“Igloo Made of Flesh” is possibly the strangest two pages ever written.  A city apartment with an Eskimo who grinds up people to make igloo blocks?  Yes, you read that correctly.

 

In “The Long Winter Ahead”, two buddies on a cross-country trip run into the world’s weirdest cult in a hicktown bar.  How many stories feature guys having forced sex with trees animated by spirits?  This is a very unusual take on the Gaia mythos.

 

If that isn’t enough, there are also lycanthropes, undead pizza parlor owners, and flesh-chomping gators hopped up on meth.  Need I say more?  Bottom line: for horror fans, this collection is a can’t miss.

 

 Highly recommended.

 

Reviewed by Murray Samuelson

 

Posted on June 14, 2022 by , 1 comment
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