Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 1, by various authors, edited by K. Trap Jones

Blood Bound Publishing, 2020

ISBN: 9781940250434

Available: Paperback, Kindle edition  ( Amazon.com )

The main thing Welcome to the Splatter Club has in common with its sequel (Welcome to the Splatter Club, Vol. 2, previously reviewed here) is the high level of originality.  The thirteen stories are quite loopy, and are all over the place for plotlines.  However, it is an uneven collection: as good as the ideas are, a number of the stories don’t have enough bang and pop to keep the reader interested and the pages flipping at a quick speed.  The first half of the book is clearly the better half. The best stories include:

“23 to 46”: the most original, the most entertaining, and also the funniest.  The sperm housed in Matt’s balls suddenly start talking to him, and make his life impossible for the rest of the story.  They are mad he isn’t reproducing, and Matt has no interest in kids.  This is a hilarious romp that gives new meaning to the term ‘body politics.’

“The Woman in the Ditch”: A rural area legend, the blond woman only appears swimming in the ditch alongside country roads when there is enough rain, and of course it only happens in certain years.  What does she want?  Go to her and find out…but it may not be what you desire.  This could almost be a dark version of a Disney fairy tale.  

“Code Black”: Tired of juveniles committing heinous crimes and getting away with them due to an overly liberal justice system?  So are the people of Trapper Valley, especially when a kid unleashes a monster from the Abyss.  However, this town has Code Black…which will do what the justice system won’t.  

“Dickey Dykstra”: Ever wanted to beat the tar out of your boss, just because he’s a total jackass?  So does a certain employee, but his boss, the aforementioned Dickey, has problems WAY bigger than being a dick at work.  Let’s just say they involve hobbyhorses, and prepare yourself for the unexpected.  When Dickey’s secret comes to light, he makes Leatherface seem like a normal, well-adjusted human being.

“The Big Bad Boy”: We all know that Twinkies, Snowballs, and Ho-Hos are never going to be found in the FDA’s food pyramid for a balanced diet, but what happens when they really will kill you?  One poor convenience store clerk is going to find out.

There are a few other good ones, but there’s also a chunk of stories that just don’t quite do it.  When it’s good, it’s quite good, but the lackluster ones are frustrating.  If you’re on the fence about buying this, just go for Vol. 2 in the series instead, which is a “can’t miss” collection of stories.

Reviewed by Murray Samuelson