I have to thank Sarah Wendell of Smart Bitches, Trashy Books for pointing me in the direction of this link: fantasy author JIm C. Hines’ “Baby Got Books”, a great riff on the Sir Mix-a-Lot song. And now, thanks to our very talented reviewer and zombie editor, MonsterLibrarian.com presents our very own genre-specific version: “Baby Got Books- Horror Remix”. Warning- not for the faint of heart.

Baby Got Books: Horror Remix

[Intro]
Oh, my, god. Becky, look at her book.
It is so big. *scoff* It looks like,
one of those Stephen King books.
But, you know, who understands Stephen King? *scoff*
They only read it, because of,
like, alien butt parasites, ‘kay?
I mean, her book, is just so big.
I can’t believe it’s just so thick, it’s like,
out there, I mean – gross. Look!
It’s just so … creepy!

[Sir Mix-a-Lot]
I like big books and I can not lie
You other readers can’t deny
That when the cover comes by with a big-ass mace
And a bloody psycho face
You get sprung, wanna pull out your eyes
‘Cause you gotta know who dies
Deep in the pages you’re reading
You’re hooked and people keep on bleeding
Oh baby, I wanna go post-apoc
Or maybe deep special ops
My parents tried to warn me
But every time I fall for the dark and gory
Ooh, cover-embossin’
You got vampires need crossin’?
Well, tease me, bleed me
‘Cause you ain’t all sparkly
I’ve seen them hatin’
To hell with literary fakin’
It’s lean, mean,
Got it goin’ like Brian Keene
I’m tired of happy endings
All the conflict getting mendings
Take your love stories and shove that
Gotta have something to hack

So, readers! (Yeah!) Readers! (Yeah!)
Got your Joe Hill book? (Hell yeah!)
Then read it! (Read it!) Read it! (Read it!)
Read that horror book!
Baby got books!

(Ligotti and Garton)
Baby got books!